...a question for Bear Blog: Are you dating?
My friend Terence went on a first date last week.
When we debriefed over text afterward, he said he wasn't planning on seeing the guy again, but that they'd shared a nice meal and interesting conversation. When I replied that the date sounded fun, he sent this back:
I mean it's good to meet new people but it is wild as it's essentially an interview to be like do you think we could be happy together in life
A lot of my friends are looking for their person right now—in real life, on the apps, through exclusive, pricey dating services—with varying degrees of success.
My partner and I got together when I was pretty young and newly out, so I've never really dated. It's fascinating to sit on this side of it, listening to the triumphs and tales of woe. As one friend told me: "You really need to have a sense of humor about it, or you'll drive yourself crazy."
Thankfully, most of my friends do.
I was hanging out with two of them recently when the conversation inevitably turned to dating. One of them pulled up an app on his phone and screenshared it to the living room TV, scrolling through hundreds of messages with a guy he thought held real potential.
"Two months of chatting," he said, "and then nothing. Ghosted."
"Wait," I said, "you never met in person?"
"His schedule was a mess. He travels a lot for work."
The other friend laughed. "Oh yeah, I've heard that one before."
Another friend is currently seeing a bisexual man who's in an open relationship with a woman. "I'm starting to catch feelings," he confessed when I asked how things were going.
"That sounds complicated," was all I could offer.
He let out his signature giggle. "I know, dating sucks."
Last weekend, still another friend joined me on a dog walk. He'd been on a handful of dates with a guy in recent weeks and decided it wasn't a fit. When I asked what happened, he said, "He just wasn't thoughtful."
"Back to square one, I guess," he added with a shrug.
None of these are the comically awful stories you see on TV. Mostly, it seems like bad timing or two people on different pages. One friend jokingly compared dating to the San Francisco rental market: you spend forever looking for the right place, but by the time you finally see it, someone else has signed the lease.
I'm in awe of how my friends keep putting their hearts out there—and I'm rooting so hard for them to find their person. Whoever finally gets to love them is going to be so lucky.
Are you dating right now? If so, how's it going? Send me a note or drop it in the guestbook. I'd love to share a few responses below.
(Photo via Europeana.)